August 24, 2011

Penuturan Seorang Sahabat

Kamu pernah bilang kalau kamu itu kuat.

Kamu pernah bilang kalau kamu itu bahagia…

Dan Kamu pernah bilang kalau kamu itu selalu mengikuti kata hatimu…

Namun yang kulihat itu hanya bualan.

Kata-kata kosong yang sehampa udara pengap.

Menyesakkan…

Menyesakkan dadamu sendiri…

Alasan menjadi wanita bukan menjadi sebuah pelarian untuk masalah perasaanmu yang lemah…

Kamu saja yang mengizinkan perasaan hina itu tinggal mengendap menjadi parasit kecil yang mematikan di jantung hatimu.

Jijik aku melihatmu.

Jangan salahkan aku membencimu. Membenci Parasitmu. Aku membencimu karena kamu tidak berusaha keras untuk membereskan Parasit itu.

Parasit perasaan yang bernama kebencian.

Sebuah perasaan terkutuk.

Jangan kau salahkan Tuhan jika ia mendengarkan ketakutanmu dan membuatmu makin menderita…

Ya aku tahu, kebencian itu atang terlahir dari ketakutanmu. Ketakutan yang sama omong kosongnya dengan bualanmu itu. Ketakutan yang kau ciptakan sendiri. Ketakutan yang sebenarnya tidak pernah terjadi.

Jangan kau buat alam semesta berbalik dan meninggalkanmu beserta mimpi-mimpi yang kau bangun.

Satu kata saja buatmu…

ikhlas

ingat… jangan kau buat alam semesta mendengarkan ketakutanmu… ikhlaskan ketakutanmu

June 30, 2011

Headline for Today – New Chapter, New Goals, New Blog

😦

I am sad…

not kidding.

Since, wordpress is limited in terms of customizing or maybe it’s just me that can’t optimize in using this blog, so I made a decision to start my new chapter in Strawbearies. I am hoping that this would be the last. huhuhuhu.. so sad when I have to leave this notes. You have been such a loyal companion, a witness of my downs, and a friend to share happiness… Thanks for being a medium to place my history. I am not an important person, but you have made me feel special 🙂 Sharing thoughts and stories. You are a very wonderful listener. Let’s keep you in my new blog too. I dedicate a page just for you… Sivibi’s notes

I love you

Thank you

CVB

June 27, 2011

Headline news for today – LOST

Today was started finely by waking up before 9AM! It’s an achievement! Having 2 slices of Peanut butter special bread completed my morning. I planned to just go to the 11.30 AM mass at the Basilica – St. Mary, downtown Minneapolis. I got the bus number and the route from Internet, and good to go. However, there were two choices of route. Taking number 4 or 6. Either one should bring me to St. Mary, so I just went to the bus stop and took anything that came early. Number 4 was coming early; thus, I hopped into the bus, sat nicely, and listened to my ipod. Going to downtown, the bus went to Nicollet instead of Hennepin Ave which I was supposed to get off. I was not really worried because I remembered vividly that number 4 also could take me to the basilica.

Well, this was not my first time taking the bus to Basilica, but it was my first time taking number 4, so I ignored the different route. I just said to myself that it might just take a little different than the number 6. It should be fine. …

However, the bus kept going after 15th Street and it did not go back to Hennepin. I was supposed to get off between Hennepin Ave and 16th Street. Apparently, this number 4 brought me to somewhere else. I realized it when I saw that the number of the street was even bigger. So, I officially said that I was lost. haha. I got off on Lyndale which was 3 stops after downtown. It was 11.30Am. There’s no way that I could take the bus back and attended the mass. Therefore, I bought pita bread and gyros and ate at the bus stop waiting for another number 4 bringing me to downtown.

I still decided to just go to the Basilica for mass. I could just wander around downtown until 4PM and got the number 6 INSTEAD! hehehehe…

So there I was at the Dunn Brothers Coffee with my Vanilla Latte and notebooks. But… dang… I needed to leave at 1PM since it closed at 1PM. Well, it’s my fault that I did not pay attention to the hours first. ck ck ck. Luckily, Target was just across the building, so I did my window shopping PLUS bought a couple of bargain things. I almost wanted to buy the $9 Coffee MAKER!! So, I could just make my own coffee and save $3!!! But, nah… reminded myself that I still needed to go to the Church stopped me with a note that I will be back!

Again, I still had a lot of time before 4PM. Another good thing that Barnes and Nobles is across the street. I entered it and started exploring.

I just realized that it’s been ages I haven’t been to any bookstores. PITY! And another pity that I MISSED  A LOT OF CLASSIC BOOKS THAT  EVERYONE should READ it!!! I liked reading books, but… they are not something that I could brag about. Most of them I read when the Teenlits were booming. In other words, a lot of my books were teenlits. Later, I read some good stuff too – before I went to US unfortunately. After that, the number declined.

Since I have seen many good books… I made a decision for my next goal. Lost in BOOKS!!

These are the list. I am ashamed that I have missed MANY GOOD BOOKS!

1. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

2. Devil wears Prada by Lauren Weisberger

3. Narnia series by C.S. Lewis

4. Angels and Demons by Dan Brown

5. The Arabian Nights

6. Three cups of tea by Greg Mortenson

7. Wicked by Gregory Maguire

8. The Iliad and the Odyssey by Hormer

9. Confession of a shopaholic by Sophia Kinsela

10. What Happened to Goodbye by Sarah Dessen (this is quiet new actually)

Yes I was not only lost when I was on my way to the Church, but I was also lost on my way of “learning” by reading. I need to go back on the track.

Yeah Baby.. reading is ON!!!

next: Brisingr by Christian Paolini!!! hehehe since I borrowed it from my friend A YEAR AGO… and “Hadn’t had a chance” to read it (What an excuse…)

zzz

CVB

Note: I found these cute things at the bookstore!! haha

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June 25, 2011

Sebuah Pengakuan dari Dia yang Lemah

Siapa sih yang mau kena masalah?

Semua pasti sudah mewanti-wanti diri sendiri untuk tidak pernah kena masalah. Orang tua mengingatkan kita untuk taat supaya tidak kena masalah. Guru mengajar kita ilmu agar nantinya dapat menghadapi masalah. Para pemimpin agama juga menyuarakan yang sama. Semuanya mengarahkan kita ke sebuah tujuan yang sama yaitu – untuk tidak kena masalah.

Namun, sejeli-jelinya kita, sehati-hatinya kita, ada kalanya… masalah itu terselip dan kita pun tersandung. Penyebab masalah itu beragam. Ada yang berupa situasi, ada yang berupa kemalangan, ada juga yang berupa kekurangan.

Saya sadar sesadar-sadarnya bahwa ada 2 hal (dari sekian banyak hal-hal) dari dalam diri saya yang selalu membawa saya ke dalam masalah. Yang pertama adalah arogansi. Yang kedua adalah blak-blakan. Sifat ini sudah saya sadari dan sudah lama saya mencoba untuk lebih berhati-hati. Hanya saja, tangan saya kecil, kadang remote control saya terlepas. Jatuh. Kejatuhan itu sudah menorehkan banyak luka. Baik pada orang lain, maupun saya sendiri. Luka-luka yang disebabkan juga beragam tingkatnya. Ada yang gampang sembuh, ada yang susah – dan membuat perih.

Saya sudah sering tersandung gara-gara lidah saya. Saya sudah sering ingatkan diri sendiri untuk lebih hati-hati. Saya sudah sering menyakiti dan merasa sakit karenya. Namun, sering saya mengelak, sering pula masih terjadi. Dan, saya pun berpikir… mengapa masalah yang sama masih sering terjadi kepada saya? Ya, saya masih belum siap untuk “naik kelas” rupanya. “Pelajaran” yang sama nampaknya masih harus saya pelajari. “Ujiannya” juga masih harus saya ambil. Itu  berarti harus ada luka-luka yang menanar.Perih memang.

Namun, seiring berjalannya waktu, saya seperti “berteman” dengan perih itu alih-alih menghujat. Nampaknya, masalah itu sudah membuahkan banyak hal yang positif untuk diri saya. Membuat saya menjadi lebih pelan-pelan adalah salah satu contoh kongkritnya. Masih banyak hal lain yang sayangnya tidak bisa saya jabarkan karena terlalu personal. Namun, pada akhirnya… masalah yang sama itu telah memberikan saya banyak pelajaran. Ujian yang saya kira sama ternyata membawa saya kepada “kelas” yang lain. “Kelas” yang membuat saya lebih siap. Jadi, fortunately, saya tidak berjalan di tempat.

Tentunya, masing-masing dari kita punya “masalah” langganan. Dan, saya percaya kalian punya cara masing-masing untuk menghadapinya. Beruntunglah kalian yang sudah “lulus”, dan beruntung pula kepada kalian yang belum. Adalah baik jika kita mengubah cara pandang kita dalam melihat dunia. Dan, cara kalian masing-masing – adalah sempurna untuk kalian.

 

Notes: Permintaan maaf – tentu bukan obat yang paling manjur untuk kalian yang telah terluka.

Ini hanya sebuah pengakuan dari dia yang lemah. Bukan sebuah pengajaran…
CVB

 

June 22, 2011

Cerita Pagi

Selamat pagi….

sekarang pukul 7:23 pagi waktu Minneapolis.

hujan…

perut saya minta ke belakang..

tangan saya dingin, sepertinya kurang darah… dan saya tidak tidur. Sudah capek tidur subuh, bangun siang. Jadinya, saya biarkan tidak tidur supaya nanti malam, saya bisa terkapar pada waktunya. Namun, timing kurang tepat, “tamu” saya lagi datang, jadinya kurang darah.

haha, postingan saya pagi ini bukan mengenai kesehatan saya yang lagi porak poranda, melainkan sebuah cerita pagi…

Ya, cerita pagi.

Cerita pagi hari ini adalah timbunan cerita pagi sehari sebelumnya. Akhirnya, saya bisa tersenyum walaupun saya tahu bahwa saya akan sendirian.

Aku melihatnya pergi berjalan di atas jembatan. Tidak ada orang lain. Hanya langkah kakinya dan gemeresik daun yang berbunyi. Dia yang berbalut kemelut. Aku yang diam tak berdaya. Jembatan itu terasa lebih panjang. Hanya langit yang tahu apa perasaan kami. Langit berkabung. Kelam.

Dia yang berbalut kemelut terus berjalan meninggalkan aku dan menorehkan cerita berikut kecewa. Aku yang diam memberikannya cerita dan juga kecewa. Kami dipisahkan oleh jembatan itu. Langit menangis. Air hujan jatuh. Dia terus berjalan. Aku hanya diam di tempat.

Kubisikkan terima kasih…

karena pertanyaanku terjawab.

Kupanjatkan doa…

karena harapanku tidak mati…

CVB

June 22, 2011

Next Chapter – Introduction

An introduction to a new chapter of my life.

Talking about Goal is something that we like to talk about but likely have a hard time to make it happen.

Obviously, I need to arrange a list for my next stops and that’s what I call… GOAL Setting

Firstly, I need to write this in order to remind myself that Goal needs to be specific! Slowly but surely or in other words require a lot of patience for the process. One example is the biggest change in my life. I can say, one of the things that I successfully achieved was when I lost 20 lbs (around 10 Kg). I used to tell my self that it’s impossible for me to become skinny, and it’s  a no no when you want to set goal. Put aside your doubt. Very important to set small goals for a big one.

Tipsy bitsy about what I did. All started in Summer 2010. I only had 2 classes during summer, did not have any job and rarely went out with friends. It brought my attention to think about my body, my shape, and my health. Seriously, I was 148lbs meaning 68 kg and it’s enough to tell me that I am over-weight. I was always big. I was the tallest girl in class and the biggest. When I was little, my uncle and cousin called me Chendandut (Chendani endut – Chendani Fat). When I was in school, my nickname was Bear. I was always looked like this

I think I was about 65-68 kg? it was taken in January 2009

Aside for wanted to be looked good, I had a wonder to see what I looked if I lose weight. I wanted to see what God has created me. I whined too much about my body size, I did find inconvenience with some positions, and I definitely realized that I was BIG. First thing – Started it. I started swimming.

Oh Baby, after I came out from the pool, my body was in full pained. I even forgot how I got trough it. Maybe, I just kept swimming and swimming and swimming like Dory haha… Then, I started swimming regularly  – almost everyday, an hour. It was not enough of course without narrowing down what I need to eat. I still ate three times a day, but I tightened myself to just one plate – one portion until the word “enough.” I worked a lot to control myself. I weighed myself regularly even I did not swim. My motivation was hit to the max when I found out that I lost nearly 2 kg! It’s like a light bulb in my head saying that I could definitely do it. So, I set small goals.

e.g. Next week, 140lbs

narrowing it down until 125lbs.

Reached the seventh month, I had lost 5 kg, and I began to feel different. Light. Free. Confident.

By the end of the year, I hit 121lbs – 55 kg. It’s actually too skinny? haha, well, my family and friends told me that it was too skinny, so now… I am between 125-128 lbs = 56-58kg. My height is around 168cm – 5’7”? I am not sure haha

Goal..

let me start with what I actually want. A big goal. What is it?

I definitely have different goals in life. I want to be a dancer. I want to be a writer. I want to host a talk-show haha. I want to work with Oprah or Andy F. Noya. I want to be a mother. I want to be a support system. I want to be a good daughter.

Right now, I frankly say that I can’t jot down what my small goals yet. It’s still undefined. Hopefully, I am able to read what is written for me, or perhaps, I get the privilege to write my own destiny?

Hm…

Mystery.

Obviously, my theory will not be working with every each of you. However, sharing is not a forbidden thing, right?

I was 68kg I guess. It was taken in April 2010

About 57-58 kg, taken in May 2011

Goal is good…

If I can do it, you too 🙂 Whatever you aim, go for it… step by step.

Behind the notes:

I am writing this to remind myself about the power of motivation and goal setting. I have got trough it, but sometimes I forget how to get trough it again, especially now. Therefore, I am making this post…

CVB

June 18, 2011

Cerita Pagi – yang tidak dibuat pada pagi hari (Simphoni Hitam)

Hm… masa-masa sehabis lulus saya jadikan masa-masa “perenungan.” Bertanya-tanya setiap malam, apa yang ingin saya lakukan. Berharap ketika pagi datang, jawaban juga datang.

Namun, tiap pagi, saya bertanya hal yang sama. Apa yang ingin saya lakukan? Perenungan saya belum berhasil. Tujuan saya masih rancu. Jalan saya masih kabur. Yang terjadi, tiap pagi saya bangun ketika matahari sudah tinggi dan perut saya berteriak minta makan siang. Tidak banyak yang dilakukan, walaupun sebenarnya ada banyak hal yang bisa saya lakukan.

Kelas menari misalnya. Belajar bahasa Korea mungkin. Menulis Blog saya yang satu lagi – isinya tentang review2. Atau sekedar mencari informasi mengenai graduate school dan job hunting. Tp tidak. Itu tidak saya lakukan. Kenapa?

Saya masih belum yakin harus mulai darimana. Arahnya ke mana saja, saya masih tidak jelas. Sungguh memalukan. Kesendirian saya kali ini membuat api saya padam sejenak. Pikiran saya masih berkelana di seputar pertanyaan tentang penyesalan. Hati saya seperti ter-blok. Tidak bisa maju ataupun mundur. Ya kawan, saya mempunyai penyesalan terhadap apa yang terjadi dengan “kamu.” “Kamu” itu… yang tidak perlu saya hadirkan lebi jauh di sini. Sudah cukup, “kamu” hadir di dalam pikiran saya terlalu lama di saat pikiran saya seharusnya berada di tempat yang lain. Semuanya membentuk sebuah Simphoni Hitam.

Sebuah lagu dari Sherina Munaf. Persis. Kadang, satu nama mendominasi satu hati dan pikiran sehingga impian dan ambisi terabaikan. Serius. Bodoh. Namun, semakin kita tidak bisa menyentuh hati, semakin sibuk pikiran mengenai “bagaimana” dan “kenapa.”

Besok hari Minggu… semoga saya siap untuk mempercayai “jawaban” itu.

Apapun “jawaban” itu.

CVB

June 13, 2011

Mass and Me

Warning: First of all, I truly don’t have other intention on writing this other than as another reflection. If you feel uncomfortable about the content, you can just ignore the rest of this post. 🙂 The post below contains terms and rituals about Catholics.

Mass or Holy Communion is one of the Catholic liturgies – ceremony.

I remember 2 years ago when I was still in Seattle, there was one Indonesian priest whose homily relevant to what I am feeling right now. It’s a homily by Father Irsan, SJ. He told us a story about a conversation between a grandson and a grandmother.

Grandson: “Grandma… did you go to the church this morning?”

Grandma: “Yes I did, my dear…”

Grandson:”What was the priest talking about?” – *Homily

Grandma:”mmm… I can’t remember any, I fell asleep”

Grandson:”… then… why did you go the church anyway?”

Grandma:”Well…I went to the church because whenever I go to the church, I feel like a dusty basket dipped in the water”

“I was freshened…by the mass itself” she told that while smiling to her confused grandson.

🙂

For those who attend mass regularly probably agree to the sleepy part in the homily. hahaha. Especially, those who are from Indonesia. hahaha. I am not kidding. It can happen to anyone anyway. From the story that I just recalled, catholic mass is not about homily, but it’s more than that. It’s about the Holy Communion, the presence of the Christ. The *liturgy itself. 🙂

It is a fortunate for me to get a chance celebrating mass in different kind of environments. For sure, every Catholic mass has similarities across the world; however, each place has its own uniqueness and different feeling in it. For example, mass in school. All my school year (excluding my college year) was spent in Catholic school. Every week, we would have to attend mass. Usually, it would be just those who Catholics that attended the mass, but since it’s a  Catholic school, all students had to attend mass in scheduled time. I could not forget when all of the schools (kindergarten, elementary school, junior high, and senior high school – since we’re under the same foundation) gathered together to celebrate mass. We were thousands and each school took a part in the liturgy whether be a cantor, musician, lectors, or any parts in the mass. There, I found a community.

Other time, when I traveled around. My parents would get me to attend a mass. It didn’t matter if we understood the language or not. I had to attend a mass when we were in Singapore, Japan, Netherlands, and Australia. I obviously could not attend the mass fully since all the prayers were spoken in language that I don’t know, even in English. At that time, my English was not good enough, plus, I was not used to it. It was my mom who told me that all the liturgy would be the same. If I did not know the language, I could just speak the prayers in my own language. Therefore, I attended the mass even though I did not know the language. There, I learned about the universal side of the church.

There was also one particular mass that stuck on my memory. It was a mass held in a very modest chapel in a very small village up in the north of South Sulawesi. The place called Pena or Polewali. It was held by what they called Coster – a helper. He was no other than just a person who was trusted to lead the holy communion and give communion that is blessed before by a Catholic Priest. The chapel itself was only covered by cement, and we were sitting on *tikar. There..I was introduced of the idea of God Love. It’s simplicity. ..

When I was still in Indonesia, I was so busy taking part in the mass so I could not focus on the mass itself. My focus was on “what’s next” when I was the altar service. My focus was on whether my pitch would be perfect when I was a cantor. My focus on the reading that I needed to read when I was a lector. Those parts could make me understand the order of the liturgy, but I could not experience every part of it. Then, when I went to Seattle, and attended mass in Newman Center for the first time, I could say that I was fully attended the mass. The homily caught me first, but then… it was the *doxology which called me deeper. I felt a weird sensation when Father Jose sang “Trough Him, with Him, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, forever and ever.” There, I got a call from the Eucharist itself.

Now, every part is more present. The opening song is always fun. The cross in the beginning feels like a warm greeting. The majestic Glory song. The readings, the Gospel, and Alleluia. Even the homily. But, my favorite part is the “Peace be with you.” haha 🙂 It is another fortunate experience that I got a chance to attend mass in different countries with its own cultural influence. Aside from the similarities and the universality, “Peace be with you” part is left distinct. In Indonesia, a simple hand shake to everyone including your closest will do. In Japan,a bow to each other will do. In the United States, if you know that person well (usually I am surrounded by people that I know), a hug will do. It’s not about unique customs but it’s the saying “peace be with you” is just wonderful. There, I found peace.

Of course, the Eucharist itself is something else. With different customs in Eucharistic Prayer, I still feel the same thing. The presence of the Holy one. There were times that I got answered in this moment. Or, it would be just a warm peaceful feeling in my heart when there were pauses in the prayer. There… I found You, my J. 🙂

It is true that religion is defined as a way to build community by Anthropologist. It is true that wherever you are, if you are Catholic and you want to attend the mass, you can go to the local church and attend the Sunday mass. This universal side of the Catholic Church helped me to not feel alone when I studied abroad. The simplicity of God’s love is also beautiful. Greg Weinand (My boss, my spiritual inspiration) has said that “God’s love is simple, He simply loves us.” That’s reflected on the Eucharist. His sacrifice. Catholic Church also adopted the way Jesus greet people by saying “May peace be with you.” All in all, mass for me is my getaway. It’s a way to re-conciliate. It’s a moment to be “silent” for a moment. It’s a place to pray. It’s a time when I get to meet You, the Holy One. It’s a chance to get freshened. 🙂

And I believe, you also find “this” kind of feeling when you attend your own religious ceremony. Whether doing Shalat if you are Moslem, or a continuous singing/prayer if you are Buddhist, or silence if you are Hindu, whatever your religion is, you also have a special relationship with it.

Behind the notes: I wrote this for a reminder of the holiness of the mass. Inspired by what I got in today’s mass in St. Mary Basilica Minneapolis. Thank you Mother Mary who prays for me, one of my prayers was answered… 🙂 Please excuse me of my terrible grammar.

Happy *Pentecost

CVB

NOTES:

Homily: a reflection by Priest

Liturgy: a set form of ceremony or pattern of worship

Doxology: the ending of the Eucharist Prayer

Pentecost: a celebration of the coming of Holy Spirit to the apostles. It made them talk in different languages. It is celebrated in 50 days after Easter. – more information please click Pentecost

If you have a thought to share, please don’t be hesitate to share it here by leave a comment, or email me  – cvianeybudhi@gmail.com

June 9, 2011

Cerita Pagi

Cerita pagi hari ini adalah lanjutan dari malam panjang tanpa tidur. Tolong, jangan diikuti. haha. Well, ini adalah salah satu pilihan saya (yang mungkin agak bodoh). Alasannya, karena saya hanya ingin waktu. Waktu untuk sendiri.

Lewat pukul 3 pagi. Dunia itu sepi. Namun, betapa beruntungnya saya yang bisa mendengar suara kicauan burung. Di suasana yang sunyi, hanya terdengar kicauan burung. Benar-benar langka. Asyik. dan bikin saya tidak mau tidur. haha

Untungnya lagi, inspirasi itu datang berkunjung. Saya akhirnya bisa menemukan jawaban. Dan iya, hati saya tidak pernah bohong. Dia menuntun saya.

Mungkin cerita pagi saya kali ini tidak bisa memberi banyak informasi. Maaf teman, konten pertanyaan saya kali ini agak terlalu personal, dan bisa-bisa mendatangkan hal-hal yang tidak diinginkan jika saya membeberkannya di sini.

Satu hal saja yang bisa saya abadikan di sini.

1. Hati itu tidak pernah bohong, walaupun jawabannya kadang menyakitkan.

2. Dan seperti orang sudah sering suarakan bahwa “Semua akan indah pada waktunya” Bad things fall a part to welcome good things.

Menyakitkan namun Membahagiakan pada akhirnya.

Rencana Tuhan itu selalu terlihat seolah-olah gagal… hahaha

oh Well, jawaban yang saya temukan hari ini meyakinkan saya bahwa… selanjutnya… akan baik-baik saja. Dan, saya siap untuk chapter berikutnya…

 

Selamat Pagi Dunia

🙂

CVB

 

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May 25, 2011

Chapter yang diTutup dengan S.E.N.Y.U.M

Chapter sekolah saya telah mencapai akhir (sementara). Ditutup dengan senyum 14 cm. Senyum paling sipit.

Tugas akhir yang membuat saya naik turun gunung, meraung-raung, bertapa, dan makan McD’s large Fries sendirian membuat saya tersenyum. hahahaha. Seperti yang sudah saya katakan, tugas itu tugas sederhana. Tidak sulit seperti harus merumuskan formula, membuat tabel dengan angka-angka yang rumit, atau membuat thesis dengan 350 halaman skripsi. Ini hanya sebuah paper dengan 15 references (15 artikel ilmiah) dengan topik yang saya pilih sendiri. Tapi, saya heran sendiri, kok bisa motivasi saya mencapai angka NOL BESAR. Kok bisa-bisanya saya memelototi tugas akhir berjam-jam tanpa maju dari halaman utama, meng-review artikel hingga 5 kali tidak bisa masuk-masuk di otak.

Nanti, kira-kira 30 hari sebelum hari keramat, hari dimana saya harus mengirimkan paper saya kepada asisten dosen saya, barulah artikel-artikel itu mulai masuk akal di pikiran saya.

5 hari sebelum hari-H barulah konstruksi outline saya terlihat lebih kuat. Hari itu harus dikumpul, hari itu juga saya menuliskan 7 halaman terakhir, melakukan edit minimalis, dan mencamtumkan 15 referensi ditemani Five Guys Burger. Hari itu juga, saya bertugas di Gereja untuk mengumumkan pengumuman terakhir mulai dari misa jam 8 pagi, 10 pagi, 7 malam, dan 9 malam. Pukul 11.30PM, 29 menit sebelum deadline, saya mengirimkan paper keramat itu kepada asisten dosen saya yang tercinta.

Hari Rabu saya bertemu dengan teman sekelas saya, dan dia sudah mengumbar mendapatkan nilai A+ untuk papernya. Saya cuma diam, dan berpikir huruf B bahkan C untuk paper itu.

Hari Minggu, saya berjalan dengan toga hitam untuk mendapatkan diploma saya. Hari Senin, iseng mengecek nilai-nilai. Tidak buruk. Lalu, sebuah A- terpampang di kelas yang memberikan tugas akhir itu. Sontak, saya kaget. Mimpi?

Cek grade, huruf A tertera manis di sebelah tugas akhir. Ya, paper keramat itu bernilai A. Pikir saya, asisten dosen saya kasihan kepada saya. hahaha. 1 minggu sebelum paper itu due, rancunya bukan main. Komen yang ia berikan hanya “oh boy…” Saya mengerjap-ngerjapkan mata tanda tak percaya (sungguh, saya tidak lakukan inii!! hahahaha), nope… it’s still there dan sebuah komen tertulis di sampingnya ” Really nice job making improvements, I can tell that you worked really hard!” Konklusi saya masih tetap sama, it’s a pity base hahaha… then, I emailed her. Balasannya “No problem 🙂 You worked really hard on improving your draft and you absolutely deserved the grade you got! Thank you for being such a dedicated student.”

Sumringah.

Lebar sekali.

Terima kasih kepada kalian-kalian yang rela mendengarkan raungan saya.

Terima kasih kepada kalian yang menyemangati saya.

Terima kaih kepada kalian yang mengingatkan saya untuk take a break.

Terima kasih kepada kalian yang menemani saya. Terutama fast food dan kopi.

Kata Abraham Lincoln, jika beliau diberi waktu 10 jam untuk menebang pohon, 9 jam akan digunakannya untuk mengasah pisaunya.

Tapi, jangan sampai kalian mendapatkan pengalaman seperti saya. Tapi (lagi), jika kalian ada di situasi mirip saya. Percaya, bahwa kerja keras (including, maksa diri untuk menyelesaikannya) will worth a big deal.

Okie dokie

CVB